A Tale of Two Speeches

My husband and I both have research talks to deliver tomorrow morning.

He got up this morning, finished his slides, kissed the kids good-bye and was picked up early by airport transfer so he’d arrive in time to have a good dinner and decent sleep before the event.

Before my talk (7am tomorrow morning!) I will:

  • Unpack the kids’ school lunches, wash everything.
  • Oversee (read: no you can’t take a container of jam for your “fruit”) the kids as they make their lunches for tomorrow.
  • Debrief my kids tonight explaining that I won’t be here tomorrow morning when they wake up.
  • Make notes for each kid reminding them where I am and that they should: eat cereal, let the dog out for a pee (exclamation mark) and get dressed. They should not (text underlined) use the stove or go near the pool. Tape these notes in what I am assuming are highly visible places.
  • Call the bus company explaining that the kids won’t be on the bus in the morning but will definitely need to be picked up in the afternoon.
  • Call their schools explaining that both kids will be late tomorrow morning.
  • Find clean and pressed Serious Clothes and Professor Glasses (TM) so that when I’m introduced to the (non-academic) audience as Professor Wolfe they won’t look around or past me.
  • Damn. Shave my legs given the only available, weather-appropriate, Serious Clothing option (someone forgot to drop off the dry cleaning)
  • Explain again to my mother that the kids will be fine on their own for 1.5 hours; repress my now salient and irrational worries that they will blow up the stove making eggs and/or fall in the pool and suddenly forget how to swim.
  • Pester the kids to unload the dishwasher and be grateful when they offer to reload it themselves
  • Get the kids in to their pjs, long-hair braided, teeth brushed, retainer found, let the dog out again, read stories, cuddle and fetch a glass of water
  • Get in to bed, only to realize that my laptop isn’t charged yet and I’m not sure actually where the charger is
  • In the dark, wander downstairs, step on (profanity) Lego in barefeet but find my laptop charger (under a pile of Pokemon cards)
  • Write this blog post.
  • Sleep by 12am.

Bright and early tomorrow morning I’ll shower, put on my professor costume and drive away from the house while my children are still asleep.  I’ll go on to deliver a compelling and engaging talk, answer questions in a way that is clear, informative, efficient and friendly to counter-balance my Serious Clothes/Professor Glasses attire.  Then I will zip home, change out of my painful shoes and drive the kids — miraculously dressed with their teeth brushed — to their schools in a different city.

God I hope there is coffee at this thing tomorrow morning.

By |2017-06-01T10:00:25+00:00May 31st, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments